pre-thesis week 12

This was a rough week emotionally — I definitely felt like I needed another day or two at least to organize myself a little better. Reflections are in bullet points to reflect this very jumbled mood:

  • Read the last book on my list (Typography and Motion Graphics: the ‘Reading-Image’): this kind of sucked, in that the writing was way denser than it needed to be. It had some interesting concepts, but it did not need to be such a painful experience.
  • Conducted interviews: one on Wednesday and two on Saturday. These have been great content-wise, but also sent me on a spiral as I realized I just do not have enough time or resources to accomplish what I was setting out to do. It also was very mentally draining to do two basically back-to-back. I spent a lot of time on Sunday just processing everything, staring at the wall, sighing, etc. Having to record the presentation by tonight really weighed down on me.
  • Synthesized all my notes: this also contributed to the spiral. I had 78 pages of notes (which I formatted down to 54) to re-read and synthesize. I created a new document to compile citations, summary, biggest takeaways from each reading and overall topic. So far it’s at 21 pages, but it’s still missing a lot of summaries. I thought by doing this I’d have some great epiphany on how to pull it all together in a succinct way, but it didn’t exactly happen — if anything it made it worse because I suddenly remembered all these other things that I was so interested in, from readings I did weeks ago.
  • Defining a focus (sort of?): it really pains me to say goodbye to the stigma topic, but I just don’t think I can manage it. I think in the end this will be a more meta-linguistic project because that’s easier, but it kind of sucks to leave all this rich content behind. It feels like a trade-off so that I can focus on the richness of the form; maybe this will allow me to add in footage, which I had previously written off as too complicated.
  • Prepared presentation: I just was not psychologically prepared to do this by tonight. I felt really rushed and defeated; the 8min-mark felt like too little to go in-depth into all I’ve done, but too much for an overview. I had to re-record it so many times, my voice was raw by the end and I’d lost a lot of confidence in myself. 
  • Preparing for the weeks ahead: I’ll keep writing summaries from my synthesized notes, which will segue right into the lit review. I hope the somewhat defined focus will help make this easier; I do have a lot of notes that might not be so useful anymore, even if they are very interesting. I’m just not looking forward to all this writing at this point; I’m exhausted, the cold is getting to me. My birthday falls the day before deliverables are due, and I don’t want to spend it writing, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to finish everything with two days to spare.